Monday, March 21, 2011
And now, a word from our sponsor
Fun fact: When he was a young Matthews, Cory was so fond of Chex Mix that he used to keep a supply in his pockets at all time. He was a weird kid, but he had good taste in delicious snackery.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Pilot
Welcome back to The Boy Meets World Report! As you may have noticed, I've been absent for some time, mostly due to a lack of free time, but also in part because of Rachel. But I've received several signs that it's time for me to start back up, not the least of which was ABC Family finishing their current run and returning to the beginning. So her we go, from now until I get bored with this thing again!
Pilot:
Well, this is different! It's easy to get so caught up in the insanity of this series that you forget how relatively tame it was when it began. It's hardly recognizable as the same show. On the one hand, there's no Topanga, very little Shawn, and Eric was a normal adolescent of seemingly average intelligence. But on the other hand, there's still plenty of creepy Feeny and bizarre hijinks to go around, so we'll continue with the mockery.
The central theme of this episode is love, which is a strange choice for the pilot episode of a show aimed at pre-adolescents, I think? But hey, the show lasted seven years, so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about! Anyway, it opens with Feeny teaching the kids about Romeo and Juliet, having it acted out by the students, one of whom is a fat, sassy black girl (an early Angela appearance, perhaps?), and the other one of whom is Squints Palledorous. Cory gets detention for listening to a baseball game in class on his hilariously outdated pocket radio, and then to make matters worse, Eric is taking a girl to a baseball game instead of Cory! Apparently, in the early seasons, Cory was hardcore into baseball. Like, it pretty much featured prominently in almost every episode of the first season. Then they just drop that and never mention it again, because apparently THAT was the show's big problem? I guess? Anyway, for now, he's still way into it, so he gets all huffy and decides to move full-time into his treehouse. And his parents, being the great, nurturing providers that they are, they just let him. It's good that they made it clear from the very first episode that the Matthews are just the WORST parents. These guys put the Bundy family to shame!
While he's in his treehouse, Cory spots Feeny getting stood up by his lady friend, which is a lot funnier than it was meant to be. Especially since it will be several seasons until the romantic aspect of Feeny's life is brought up again, so this one even apparently destroyed his ability to love for years. Hilarious! So when Cory has to serve his detention, he just hardcore slams Feeny for having had dinner alone, and Feeny gets all up on his high horse and just starts going on about love, and how Cory's family all love each other, which is really a bold move for an old man who has lived alone for his entire life.
So Cory goes home and decides to move back into his parents' house, which they reluctantly agree to (again, the worst!), and he apologizes for getting mad at Eric and tells him not to give up on this girl, that he should ask her out again. Apparently Cory still doesn't know the difference between love and lust, because everybody in charge of his education is at the very most only half competent.
What Is Wrong With Feeny?:
Feeny: "I spend 4 hours with you every morning and 3 hours every afternoon. Now get out of my face!"
What is wrong with Feeny for talking to a child like that, but also what is wrong with this school that they only have one man who teaches these students all day? He is the worst teacher in the worst school!
Quote Of The Episode:
Cory: "I earned those tickets! I've slept with him for 11 years!"
Okay, I realize that they're brothers, and they share a room, and this is meant to be an innocent joke, but still, they're pretty much implying that Cory is involved in homosexual incest in return for tickets to a baseball game. That's a pretty weird thing to imply!
Pilot:
Well, this is different! It's easy to get so caught up in the insanity of this series that you forget how relatively tame it was when it began. It's hardly recognizable as the same show. On the one hand, there's no Topanga, very little Shawn, and Eric was a normal adolescent of seemingly average intelligence. But on the other hand, there's still plenty of creepy Feeny and bizarre hijinks to go around, so we'll continue with the mockery.
The central theme of this episode is love, which is a strange choice for the pilot episode of a show aimed at pre-adolescents, I think? But hey, the show lasted seven years, so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about! Anyway, it opens with Feeny teaching the kids about Romeo and Juliet, having it acted out by the students, one of whom is a fat, sassy black girl (an early Angela appearance, perhaps?), and the other one of whom is Squints Palledorous. Cory gets detention for listening to a baseball game in class on his hilariously outdated pocket radio, and then to make matters worse, Eric is taking a girl to a baseball game instead of Cory! Apparently, in the early seasons, Cory was hardcore into baseball. Like, it pretty much featured prominently in almost every episode of the first season. Then they just drop that and never mention it again, because apparently THAT was the show's big problem? I guess? Anyway, for now, he's still way into it, so he gets all huffy and decides to move full-time into his treehouse. And his parents, being the great, nurturing providers that they are, they just let him. It's good that they made it clear from the very first episode that the Matthews are just the WORST parents. These guys put the Bundy family to shame!
While he's in his treehouse, Cory spots Feeny getting stood up by his lady friend, which is a lot funnier than it was meant to be. Especially since it will be several seasons until the romantic aspect of Feeny's life is brought up again, so this one even apparently destroyed his ability to love for years. Hilarious! So when Cory has to serve his detention, he just hardcore slams Feeny for having had dinner alone, and Feeny gets all up on his high horse and just starts going on about love, and how Cory's family all love each other, which is really a bold move for an old man who has lived alone for his entire life.
So Cory goes home and decides to move back into his parents' house, which they reluctantly agree to (again, the worst!), and he apologizes for getting mad at Eric and tells him not to give up on this girl, that he should ask her out again. Apparently Cory still doesn't know the difference between love and lust, because everybody in charge of his education is at the very most only half competent.
What Is Wrong With Feeny?:
Feeny: "I spend 4 hours with you every morning and 3 hours every afternoon. Now get out of my face!"
What is wrong with Feeny for talking to a child like that, but also what is wrong with this school that they only have one man who teaches these students all day? He is the worst teacher in the worst school!
Quote Of The Episode:
Cory: "I earned those tickets! I've slept with him for 11 years!"
Okay, I realize that they're brothers, and they share a room, and this is meant to be an innocent joke, but still, they're pretty much implying that Cory is involved in homosexual incest in return for tickets to a baseball game. That's a pretty weird thing to imply!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Things Change
Whoo boy, who's ready for some full-on Cory psychosis? This is really one of the more entertaining themes of the show, when Cory just flips the hell out for half an hour. This never actually accomplishes anything, but it's good fun to watch. Plus, Angela gets more exposure here than she probably has in any other episode we've covered, which isn't saying much since she probably has three lines in this entire episode. But she's still hanging in there! Good for you, Angela!
Things Change:
Cory and the Funky Bunch are sitting around in Chubbie's, and Cory has all of their letters from Pembrook, which apparently all arrived on the same day, and also Cory is strange for checking his friends' mail. But whatever, he's done worse. So they all open their letters, and they've all gotten in, except UH OH, Shawn is only on the wait list! This prompts Cory to just go totally apeshit, because heaven forbid his friend might not be able to go to the same college as him! So Cory starts basically ruining the futures of other students by convincing them to go to worse colleges, totally destroying their lives just so he and his boyfriend can be in class together. See? I told you he's done worse.
Meanwhile, Shawn has taken a job at a photo lab, and is already able to develop pictures in a dark room, because apparently it is an easy skill to just pick up in a day or so. Cory barges into the dark room, which would totally ruin the pictures and probably upset the owner, but really, it's his own fault since he seems to have left his dark room easily accessible to anybody who wanders by. This scene isn't really important to anything, but it IS interesting to note that Shawn mentions his boss is named Johnathan. Mr. Turner opened a photo developing place after his motorcycle crash? Good to know!
The gang all meet up at Chubbie's again, and Shawn has gotten a new letter from Pembrook already! Even though it's been what, 2 days? Quick college. It turns out Cory destroyed enough lives to get Shawn in, but he has decided to work at the photo booth full time instead. Good decision, Shawn! Way to think things through!
At this point, Cory goes from being slightly neurotic to just straight-up asshole. He publicly humiliates Shawn, verbally abuses Topanga, and completely ignores the wants and needs of everybody around him. This episode so far has pretty much been all about Cory's rapid decline to the dark side. Kind of an Anakin Skywalker story, but with way more whining.
After finding out that Shawn isn't going to college and Topanga didn't get accepted to Yale, and being a total dick about both of those things, Cory runs to Mr. Feeny, because he seems to think that man has the right answer for ANYTHING. Pro tip: he does not. Cory tells Mr. Feeny to talk some sense into Shawn, and Feeny says that he was just on the phone with him and wished him good luck in his job. WHAT?! Not only is that terrible mentoring, but WHY IS MR. FEENY TALKING ON THE PHONE TO HIS STUDENTS?! This is not how a normal teacher behaves! This is how a creep behaves. But it gets worse! Turns out Feeny is retiring and moving to Wyoming. Even though Cory is moving on to college and this SHOULDN'T bother him, he flips out even more. Then Topanga shows up, and it turns out she really DID get into Yale! And I guess she was just joking earlier, about not being able to get in? Good joke, Topanga! You deserve to be verbally abused.
Cory and Morgan go to Chubbie's, where he talks about how Morgan is the only thing in his life not changing, which is kind of hilarious, since he is actually talking to the second actress to play Morgan. I would think this was some sort of intended irony, except it wasn't, because this is Boy Meets World we're talking about. So just as he's going on about his usual booth at Chubbie's, we find out that the restaurant has apparently been renamed Peg-Leg Pete's, and has taken on a pirate them. And by pirate theme, I mean that the waitress put on pirate clothes and the menu item names have changed, and absolutely nothing else has been done to the place. Cory gets upset AGAIN, although it's kind of understandable this time, since we saw during the scene transition that the sign out front still says "Chubbie's". During his ranting and raving, Eric shows up, says a few words to Cory, and everything is suddenly better. He is totally fine with the fact that people have plans outside of his control, and everything is just fine and dandy, until Eric takes over as drama queen and starts freaking out about the whole Feeny thing, which is even weirder, because he hasn't been Feeny's student for like 3 years now. Plus he thinks Wyoming is in Hawaii, thus completing Eric's rapid descent into "comic relief" territory. If your sitcom needs comic relief, it is probably time to rethink your sitcom. But it's still better than Rachel.
Things Shawn Can't Do:
Get into college on his own
Make smart life decisions
NEW FEATURE!
What Is Wrong With Feeny?:
Cory: "I need you to talk to Shawn"
Feeny: "As a matter of fact, I was just on the phone with him"
Why is this guy still allowed around children?
Quote Of The Episode:
We have a tie today, pretty much Cory just being a total dickface to his so-called "loved ones."
Cory: "Everyone, can I have your attention for a minute? My best friend, Shawn Hunter-"
Shawn: "I think I'm going to take the job"
Cory: "...is throwing away his entire life."
and
Topanga: "Cory, I feel awful."
Cory: "About what?"
Topanga: "Not getting into Yale."
Cory: "Yale?! Shawn couldn't get into Yale. I mean, YOU could hardly get into Yale!"
Ouch! Way to be a good friend, Cory!
Things Change:
Cory and the Funky Bunch are sitting around in Chubbie's, and Cory has all of their letters from Pembrook, which apparently all arrived on the same day, and also Cory is strange for checking his friends' mail. But whatever, he's done worse. So they all open their letters, and they've all gotten in, except UH OH, Shawn is only on the wait list! This prompts Cory to just go totally apeshit, because heaven forbid his friend might not be able to go to the same college as him! So Cory starts basically ruining the futures of other students by convincing them to go to worse colleges, totally destroying their lives just so he and his boyfriend can be in class together. See? I told you he's done worse.
Meanwhile, Shawn has taken a job at a photo lab, and is already able to develop pictures in a dark room, because apparently it is an easy skill to just pick up in a day or so. Cory barges into the dark room, which would totally ruin the pictures and probably upset the owner, but really, it's his own fault since he seems to have left his dark room easily accessible to anybody who wanders by. This scene isn't really important to anything, but it IS interesting to note that Shawn mentions his boss is named Johnathan. Mr. Turner opened a photo developing place after his motorcycle crash? Good to know!
The gang all meet up at Chubbie's again, and Shawn has gotten a new letter from Pembrook already! Even though it's been what, 2 days? Quick college. It turns out Cory destroyed enough lives to get Shawn in, but he has decided to work at the photo booth full time instead. Good decision, Shawn! Way to think things through!
At this point, Cory goes from being slightly neurotic to just straight-up asshole. He publicly humiliates Shawn, verbally abuses Topanga, and completely ignores the wants and needs of everybody around him. This episode so far has pretty much been all about Cory's rapid decline to the dark side. Kind of an Anakin Skywalker story, but with way more whining.
After finding out that Shawn isn't going to college and Topanga didn't get accepted to Yale, and being a total dick about both of those things, Cory runs to Mr. Feeny, because he seems to think that man has the right answer for ANYTHING. Pro tip: he does not. Cory tells Mr. Feeny to talk some sense into Shawn, and Feeny says that he was just on the phone with him and wished him good luck in his job. WHAT?! Not only is that terrible mentoring, but WHY IS MR. FEENY TALKING ON THE PHONE TO HIS STUDENTS?! This is not how a normal teacher behaves! This is how a creep behaves. But it gets worse! Turns out Feeny is retiring and moving to Wyoming. Even though Cory is moving on to college and this SHOULDN'T bother him, he flips out even more. Then Topanga shows up, and it turns out she really DID get into Yale! And I guess she was just joking earlier, about not being able to get in? Good joke, Topanga! You deserve to be verbally abused.
Cory and Morgan go to Chubbie's, where he talks about how Morgan is the only thing in his life not changing, which is kind of hilarious, since he is actually talking to the second actress to play Morgan. I would think this was some sort of intended irony, except it wasn't, because this is Boy Meets World we're talking about. So just as he's going on about his usual booth at Chubbie's, we find out that the restaurant has apparently been renamed Peg-Leg Pete's, and has taken on a pirate them. And by pirate theme, I mean that the waitress put on pirate clothes and the menu item names have changed, and absolutely nothing else has been done to the place. Cory gets upset AGAIN, although it's kind of understandable this time, since we saw during the scene transition that the sign out front still says "Chubbie's". During his ranting and raving, Eric shows up, says a few words to Cory, and everything is suddenly better. He is totally fine with the fact that people have plans outside of his control, and everything is just fine and dandy, until Eric takes over as drama queen and starts freaking out about the whole Feeny thing, which is even weirder, because he hasn't been Feeny's student for like 3 years now. Plus he thinks Wyoming is in Hawaii, thus completing Eric's rapid descent into "comic relief" territory. If your sitcom needs comic relief, it is probably time to rethink your sitcom. But it's still better than Rachel.
Things Shawn Can't Do:
Get into college on his own
Make smart life decisions
NEW FEATURE!
What Is Wrong With Feeny?:
Cory: "I need you to talk to Shawn"
Feeny: "As a matter of fact, I was just on the phone with him"
Why is this guy still allowed around children?
Quote Of The Episode:
We have a tie today, pretty much Cory just being a total dickface to his so-called "loved ones."
Cory: "Everyone, can I have your attention for a minute? My best friend, Shawn Hunter-"
Shawn: "I think I'm going to take the job"
Cory: "...is throwing away his entire life."
and
Topanga: "Cory, I feel awful."
Cory: "About what?"
Topanga: "Not getting into Yale."
Cory: "Yale?! Shawn couldn't get into Yale. I mean, YOU could hardly get into Yale!"
Ouch! Way to be a good friend, Cory!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Honesty Night
First of all, sorry to my loyal one reader that I didn't get a chance to update last week. Apparently I have things I have to do sometimes? And sometimes there's a lot of those things? But the past is the past, and maybe this week will be better. We didn't miss much anyway, pretty much Cory and Topanga broke up, which is clearly a big freakin' deal. Like, the biggest. For all of you kids out there who don't understand the implications, this would be like if Gossip Girl broke up with...whoever it is that Gossip Girl dates. Astro Boy? Possibly.
But really, that's all we missed. 5 weeks of Cory and Topanga being broken up, and some other floozy was all up in Cory's junk, but he stayed true to the girl who he wasn't even dating anymore, because he's Cory, and he's kind of weird like that. And Topanga went on a date with another dude, and she DID kiss him, and then called him and said she never wanted to see him again. Ouch for that guy! But anyway, her and Cory got back together, because of course they did. Okay, everyone caught up? Good, let's continue.
Honesty Night:
The episode starts with a newly-reunited Cory and Topanga openly making out in the halls of the school. Feeny walks by, and instead of being a normal teacher and telling them to knock it off, he continues to defy expectations by ENCOURAGING THE PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION BY HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS. Creepy, Mr. Feeny! And it gets even creepier when the first thing that pops into his mind is how happy Shawn must be about this. Mr. Feeny seems to be a little to interested in everything that's going on here, and should really have been fired a long time ago.
This makes Cory and Topanga realize that they should have told Shawn that they were together already, and he'll probably cry and start drinking again (something else we didn't get to cover last week), so they decided to pretend to still be broken up so he can get them back together and they can all high five each other or whatever. Sure, very normal thing to do.
Only it doesn't work! Shawn is so terrible at everything, he actually manages to re-break them up! So Cory tells Shawn how terribly he has ruined everybody's lives, and Shawn decides to make it even worse by holding an intervention. Meanwhile, Eric has a new page-a-day calendar that does nothing but further degrade his character, which seems to be a recurring theme of the college years. Anyway, the intervention is a huge failure, obviously, because Shawn is as good at helping others as he is at helping himself. NOT VERY GOOD AT ALL.
Cut to Chubby's, where Cory and Topanga are sitting with their backs to each other as all people do when they have recently broken up, and then things get really crazy. Cory's parents walk into Chubby's, have a fight, make up, and then leave. Seriously, that's all they did there. Apparently it was all a clever set-up by Shawn, only it really wasn't so clever, since it was fairly obviously a set-up, as they had no reason to be there at all, not to mention the fact that the entire point they seemed to make was "stay in an emotionally abusive relationship just because that is what grown people do", which is not really okay. Still, though, bonus points to Shawn for getting the supposedly responsible adults to go along with this terrible, terrible plan.
That's pretty much the end, except for one more scene where Eric is almost smart but then isn't, and Mr. Feeny refers to the Matthews as "a house full of psychos," which they are, but that's sort of the pot calling the kettle psycho, isn't it? Whatever, at least there's still no Rachel.
Things Shawn Can't Do:
Reunite estranged couples.
Hold an intervention.
Quote Of The Episode:
Eric: "That's the last time I buy anything from http:/www.howdysucker.com!"
It's kind of hard to write this one down, since you really have to hear it to understand that he actually said it that way. With every letter and symbol, and he actually left a symbol out of what would be a valid web address. I'm not sure if this was supposed to be funny, or if it was the 90s when people didn't realize that there were normal ways of speaking about the internet. Either way, it's hilarious for reasons the writers didn't intend.
But really, that's all we missed. 5 weeks of Cory and Topanga being broken up, and some other floozy was all up in Cory's junk, but he stayed true to the girl who he wasn't even dating anymore, because he's Cory, and he's kind of weird like that. And Topanga went on a date with another dude, and she DID kiss him, and then called him and said she never wanted to see him again. Ouch for that guy! But anyway, her and Cory got back together, because of course they did. Okay, everyone caught up? Good, let's continue.
Honesty Night:
The episode starts with a newly-reunited Cory and Topanga openly making out in the halls of the school. Feeny walks by, and instead of being a normal teacher and telling them to knock it off, he continues to defy expectations by ENCOURAGING THE PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION BY HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS. Creepy, Mr. Feeny! And it gets even creepier when the first thing that pops into his mind is how happy Shawn must be about this. Mr. Feeny seems to be a little to interested in everything that's going on here, and should really have been fired a long time ago.
This makes Cory and Topanga realize that they should have told Shawn that they were together already, and he'll probably cry and start drinking again (something else we didn't get to cover last week), so they decided to pretend to still be broken up so he can get them back together and they can all high five each other or whatever. Sure, very normal thing to do.
Only it doesn't work! Shawn is so terrible at everything, he actually manages to re-break them up! So Cory tells Shawn how terribly he has ruined everybody's lives, and Shawn decides to make it even worse by holding an intervention. Meanwhile, Eric has a new page-a-day calendar that does nothing but further degrade his character, which seems to be a recurring theme of the college years. Anyway, the intervention is a huge failure, obviously, because Shawn is as good at helping others as he is at helping himself. NOT VERY GOOD AT ALL.
Cut to Chubby's, where Cory and Topanga are sitting with their backs to each other as all people do when they have recently broken up, and then things get really crazy. Cory's parents walk into Chubby's, have a fight, make up, and then leave. Seriously, that's all they did there. Apparently it was all a clever set-up by Shawn, only it really wasn't so clever, since it was fairly obviously a set-up, as they had no reason to be there at all, not to mention the fact that the entire point they seemed to make was "stay in an emotionally abusive relationship just because that is what grown people do", which is not really okay. Still, though, bonus points to Shawn for getting the supposedly responsible adults to go along with this terrible, terrible plan.
That's pretty much the end, except for one more scene where Eric is almost smart but then isn't, and Mr. Feeny refers to the Matthews as "a house full of psychos," which they are, but that's sort of the pot calling the kettle psycho, isn't it? Whatever, at least there's still no Rachel.
Things Shawn Can't Do:
Reunite estranged couples.
Hold an intervention.
Quote Of The Episode:
Eric: "That's the last time I buy anything from http:/www.howdysucker.com!"
It's kind of hard to write this one down, since you really have to hear it to understand that he actually said it that way. With every letter and symbol, and he actually left a symbol out of what would be a valid web address. I'm not sure if this was supposed to be funny, or if it was the 90s when people didn't realize that there were normal ways of speaking about the internet. Either way, it's hilarious for reasons the writers didn't intend.
Friday, June 11, 2010
It's Not You, It's Me
SPECIAL NOTE: As was pointed out to me from yesterday's post, Matt Lawrence is the middle Lawrence brother, not the oldest as I had stated. My bad, you guys, it'll never happen again.
The relationship between Shawn and Cory is never fully explained throughout the series. I mean, they've been best friends all their lives, but Cory didn't know that Shawn had a brother? But they also have all sorts of crazy life plans together? Today's episode doesn't really going to explain any of that, because of course it doesn't, but at least we get a bit of an origin story here. Plus we get Lionel, who is just the best.
It's Not You, It's Me:
The episode starts with Mr. Feeny telling Cory specific details about his upconimg interview with Yale, so you already know this is going to be a non-stop suspension of disbelief. Shawn is upset by this, as they had promised to stay stupid together, but Cory is trying to make something better of himself. If he were thinking things through rationally, he would realize that a few episodes back (before I started taking notes), the two of them had an issue where they were on a quiz show but didn't actually KNOW anything, so he really had nothing to worry about anyway. But they have a big, overly dramatic fight anyway, and decide to make new friends instead of spending every damn minute together. Cory thinks this while blow over, but he goes to class and Shawn already has a new friend in Cory's usual seat! OH NO HE DIDN'T! So Cory decides to make friends with a fat nerd named Lionel, who is probably the best character in the show, and is greatly underused in his one appearance.
Basically, things go on as you might expect; they try to make new friends, get jealous of each other, Lionel has a great singing voice, the least masculine fight in television history, a confusing exchange of words, and the friendship is terminated. Basically, Shawn is being a huge drama queen here, talking about how they're totally different people and they never should have been friends anyway, all because Cory applied to a school that Shawn wouldn't be able to get into, without even considering that Cory ALSO wouldn't have been able to get in. Shawn should probably learn how to see the big picture.
So Cory goes to Shawn's apartment to get his stuff (what?), and he brings Lionel with him in case Shawn decides to assault him (WHAT?!), and Lionel is totally okay with that! Good for you, Lionel, backing your friend when he feels threatened by the same guy who proved in an earlier scene that he barely even knows what a fight is supposed to look like. But Shawn has already packed all of Cory's stuff, and he's even having a party! Even though it has been like 12 hours since he pretty much said he only has one friend, and so maybe he just paid people to come over? Who knows, Shawn is a bit of a mystery sometimes.
The next day, Cory and Shawn continue their boring argument for Mr. Feeny, leading to an INSANE flashback about how they met. Little Cory (who for some reason had glasses) fell into the llama pit at the world's most poorly designed zoo, where children can freely enter the animal enclosures that aren't even tall enough to keep the llamas from escaping. Llamas can jump, right? So Shawn went in and "saved" Cory, and they've been friends ever since. This confusing trip down memory lane makes them remember how much they love each other, Topanga is homophobic, and they all live happily ever after.
There was also a subplot involving Eric and Jack trying to get an extension on a paper that's not really worth mentioning, except in that it included Principal Vernon from The Breakfast Club who totally nails his role as hard-ass Dean. That was overshadowed, however, by Eric's rapid decline from suave womanizer to barely-functional simpleton. Oh well, it's still better than Rachel.
Quote Of The Episode:
Cory: "Let's end it now before it goes on any longer than it already did."
Shawn: "No, now! Come on, boys!"
Wait, what? Even if that response made any sense (it doesn't you're agreeing with what Cory said in a contradictory manner), why is he calling this group of hoodlums that he just met today "boys"? And why are they responding, as if acknowledging his right to lead them around and call them "boys"? I'm surprised they didn't take off their shirts and start dance-fighting.
NEW FEATURE!
Things Shawn Can't Do:
-Get Into Yale
-Put things into perspective
Alright, folks, have a good weekend, and I'll be back with more Boy Meets World goodness on Monday!
The relationship between Shawn and Cory is never fully explained throughout the series. I mean, they've been best friends all their lives, but Cory didn't know that Shawn had a brother? But they also have all sorts of crazy life plans together? Today's episode doesn't really going to explain any of that, because of course it doesn't, but at least we get a bit of an origin story here. Plus we get Lionel, who is just the best.
It's Not You, It's Me:
The episode starts with Mr. Feeny telling Cory specific details about his upconimg interview with Yale, so you already know this is going to be a non-stop suspension of disbelief. Shawn is upset by this, as they had promised to stay stupid together, but Cory is trying to make something better of himself. If he were thinking things through rationally, he would realize that a few episodes back (before I started taking notes), the two of them had an issue where they were on a quiz show but didn't actually KNOW anything, so he really had nothing to worry about anyway. But they have a big, overly dramatic fight anyway, and decide to make new friends instead of spending every damn minute together. Cory thinks this while blow over, but he goes to class and Shawn already has a new friend in Cory's usual seat! OH NO HE DIDN'T! So Cory decides to make friends with a fat nerd named Lionel, who is probably the best character in the show, and is greatly underused in his one appearance.
Basically, things go on as you might expect; they try to make new friends, get jealous of each other, Lionel has a great singing voice, the least masculine fight in television history, a confusing exchange of words, and the friendship is terminated. Basically, Shawn is being a huge drama queen here, talking about how they're totally different people and they never should have been friends anyway, all because Cory applied to a school that Shawn wouldn't be able to get into, without even considering that Cory ALSO wouldn't have been able to get in. Shawn should probably learn how to see the big picture.
So Cory goes to Shawn's apartment to get his stuff (what?), and he brings Lionel with him in case Shawn decides to assault him (WHAT?!), and Lionel is totally okay with that! Good for you, Lionel, backing your friend when he feels threatened by the same guy who proved in an earlier scene that he barely even knows what a fight is supposed to look like. But Shawn has already packed all of Cory's stuff, and he's even having a party! Even though it has been like 12 hours since he pretty much said he only has one friend, and so maybe he just paid people to come over? Who knows, Shawn is a bit of a mystery sometimes.
The next day, Cory and Shawn continue their boring argument for Mr. Feeny, leading to an INSANE flashback about how they met. Little Cory (who for some reason had glasses) fell into the llama pit at the world's most poorly designed zoo, where children can freely enter the animal enclosures that aren't even tall enough to keep the llamas from escaping. Llamas can jump, right? So Shawn went in and "saved" Cory, and they've been friends ever since. This confusing trip down memory lane makes them remember how much they love each other, Topanga is homophobic, and they all live happily ever after.
There was also a subplot involving Eric and Jack trying to get an extension on a paper that's not really worth mentioning, except in that it included Principal Vernon from The Breakfast Club who totally nails his role as hard-ass Dean. That was overshadowed, however, by Eric's rapid decline from suave womanizer to barely-functional simpleton. Oh well, it's still better than Rachel.
Quote Of The Episode:
Cory: "Let's end it now before it goes on any longer than it already did."
Shawn: "No, now! Come on, boys!"
Wait, what? Even if that response made any sense (it doesn't you're agreeing with what Cory said in a contradictory manner), why is he calling this group of hoodlums that he just met today "boys"? And why are they responding, as if acknowledging his right to lead them around and call them "boys"? I'm surprised they didn't take off their shirts and start dance-fighting.
NEW FEATURE!
Things Shawn Can't Do:
-Get Into Yale
-Put things into perspective
Alright, folks, have a good weekend, and I'll be back with more Boy Meets World goodness on Monday!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Brothers
Ugh. This is where everything started to go downhill for Boy Meets World. Not to use tired cliches or anything, but this is definitely where the show jumped over SOMETHING unpleasant. Still, a promise is a promise, so I shall continue to watch these every morning and share it with you, my faitfhul reader(s?). YOU SEE WHAT I DO FOR YOU?!
Brothers:
The episode starts with a really bizarre fantasy sequence involving attractive teachers and Mr. Feeny dressed as a chef, which is really far less interesting than it sounds, and basically only serves to let us know that Shawn and Cory are now seniors. This is never referenced again until a throwaway joke at the end of the episode, so I'm not sure why they thought it was so important that they should start the whole season with it, but I guess that's not why I'm a big writer in Hollywood. I GUESS.
After the pointless intro, we learn that Cory is excited that Eric has moved out, and chooses to celebrate by decorating his room with candles and buying a mattress, which is pretty odd behavior for a guy in high school, but to each his own, I suppose. Only it turns out that Eric is moving back in! And Cory and his mom are totally pissed about this, because they don't really like Eric, I suppose, but his dad is thrilled that his grown son refuses to move out of the house, and goes to play basketball with him in celebration. This family has some weird reactions to things, you guys.
Naturally, Cory wants Eric out, so he spends the day trying to find him a new place to live (instead of going to school? I mean, this is the day after the start of the school year, so it shouldn't be a weekend yet), but Eric is picky and won't settle for just anything! Luckily, someone randomly walks into Chubby's and announces that they need a roommate, which is totally normal behavior that would not raise red flags for anybody! Of course Cory jumps all over the chance to force his brother to move in with this perfectly normal person, but OH NOES! It turns out this is Shawn's long-lost half-brother, Jack!
Let me just interrupt here to clear a few things up for those of you who might not know about Matt Lawrence, the actor who plays Jack. He is the middlest of the Lawrence brothers, which were sort of like The Jonas Brothers without the virginity and the singing. In other words, they're a no-talent fraternal nightmare that only exists to make you hate them. I'm not saying that Matt Lawrence single-handedly ruined the show (we'll get to Rachel soon enough), but he's certainly a harbinger of doom.
Anyway, back to the episode: it turns out that Shawn has this half-brother that Cory didn't know about even though they have been best friends their entire lives, because Shawn hasn't seen him in forever, yet he somehow immediately recognized him when he saw him in Chubby's. Right, okay, sure. So Shawn gets upset at Jack because Jack hasn't been around, even though how could he, he was a high school student up until this year, he really had no choice as to where he lived. I suspect that Shawn has only a very loose grasp on reality. So Jack goes to Shawn's house, and his dad is happy to see him and immediately decides that Shawn, his underage child who is still in high school, should go live with this person that he essentially just met. Good parenting, Chet! Shawn refuses for some reason, so Chet gives Jack his jacket, and I really have no idea why anything is happening here. Did David Lynch direct this episode?
Later, at the Matthews residence, Shawn basically says that Alan is a bad father when he is RIGHT IN THE ROOM, which furthers my theory that Shawn has no idea what is going on around him. So Alan kicks Eric out of the house, and he moves in with Jack, who has really been acting like a crazy man this whole episode. And not good crazy. Single White Female crazy. Like, he asks all of these really personal questions of Eric that people should not be asking when they first meet their roommate. These are questions you ask on a second or third date. Whatever, Jack, you've definitely got some Hunter blood running through those veins! It turns out that Shawn moved in with them too, because for some reason he is no longer against the idea, and Chet gives them his toaster. Not a new toaster, his old, used toaster. Distancing yourself from loved ones and giving away your personal possessions are usually indicators that someone is contemplating suicide, but Jack and Shawn are not interested in anything besides Shawn and Jack, irrespectively, so they let Chet go home to get shitfaced and see how hard he has to press on the blade before he starts to bleed, or whatever. This show, you guys. Clearly the best!
Quote Of The Episode:
Jack: "Favorite color on 3."
Jack and Eric together: "One, two, three, blue!"
Awesome! This is definitely what you want to do the first time you meet a potential roommate!
Brothers:
The episode starts with a really bizarre fantasy sequence involving attractive teachers and Mr. Feeny dressed as a chef, which is really far less interesting than it sounds, and basically only serves to let us know that Shawn and Cory are now seniors. This is never referenced again until a throwaway joke at the end of the episode, so I'm not sure why they thought it was so important that they should start the whole season with it, but I guess that's not why I'm a big writer in Hollywood. I GUESS.
After the pointless intro, we learn that Cory is excited that Eric has moved out, and chooses to celebrate by decorating his room with candles and buying a mattress, which is pretty odd behavior for a guy in high school, but to each his own, I suppose. Only it turns out that Eric is moving back in! And Cory and his mom are totally pissed about this, because they don't really like Eric, I suppose, but his dad is thrilled that his grown son refuses to move out of the house, and goes to play basketball with him in celebration. This family has some weird reactions to things, you guys.
Naturally, Cory wants Eric out, so he spends the day trying to find him a new place to live (instead of going to school? I mean, this is the day after the start of the school year, so it shouldn't be a weekend yet), but Eric is picky and won't settle for just anything! Luckily, someone randomly walks into Chubby's and announces that they need a roommate, which is totally normal behavior that would not raise red flags for anybody! Of course Cory jumps all over the chance to force his brother to move in with this perfectly normal person, but OH NOES! It turns out this is Shawn's long-lost half-brother, Jack!
Let me just interrupt here to clear a few things up for those of you who might not know about Matt Lawrence, the actor who plays Jack. He is the middlest of the Lawrence brothers, which were sort of like The Jonas Brothers without the virginity and the singing. In other words, they're a no-talent fraternal nightmare that only exists to make you hate them. I'm not saying that Matt Lawrence single-handedly ruined the show (we'll get to Rachel soon enough), but he's certainly a harbinger of doom.
Anyway, back to the episode: it turns out that Shawn has this half-brother that Cory didn't know about even though they have been best friends their entire lives, because Shawn hasn't seen him in forever, yet he somehow immediately recognized him when he saw him in Chubby's. Right, okay, sure. So Shawn gets upset at Jack because Jack hasn't been around, even though how could he, he was a high school student up until this year, he really had no choice as to where he lived. I suspect that Shawn has only a very loose grasp on reality. So Jack goes to Shawn's house, and his dad is happy to see him and immediately decides that Shawn, his underage child who is still in high school, should go live with this person that he essentially just met. Good parenting, Chet! Shawn refuses for some reason, so Chet gives Jack his jacket, and I really have no idea why anything is happening here. Did David Lynch direct this episode?
Later, at the Matthews residence, Shawn basically says that Alan is a bad father when he is RIGHT IN THE ROOM, which furthers my theory that Shawn has no idea what is going on around him. So Alan kicks Eric out of the house, and he moves in with Jack, who has really been acting like a crazy man this whole episode. And not good crazy. Single White Female crazy. Like, he asks all of these really personal questions of Eric that people should not be asking when they first meet their roommate. These are questions you ask on a second or third date. Whatever, Jack, you've definitely got some Hunter blood running through those veins! It turns out that Shawn moved in with them too, because for some reason he is no longer against the idea, and Chet gives them his toaster. Not a new toaster, his old, used toaster. Distancing yourself from loved ones and giving away your personal possessions are usually indicators that someone is contemplating suicide, but Jack and Shawn are not interested in anything besides Shawn and Jack, irrespectively, so they let Chet go home to get shitfaced and see how hard he has to press on the blade before he starts to bleed, or whatever. This show, you guys. Clearly the best!
Quote Of The Episode:
Jack: "Favorite color on 3."
Jack and Eric together: "One, two, three, blue!"
Awesome! This is definitely what you want to do the first time you meet a potential roommate!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Cult Fiction
So I recently discovered that ABC Family shows Boy Meets World in the mornings, which is pretty great, because I love that show. Only it turns out that I had bad taste in television as a child, because this show is actually pretty weird, guys. It's not quite on the Saved By The Bell level of strange, but it's still pretty bizarre. This here blog is where I will be dissecting the morning's episode, every day that my schedule permits. Here we go!
Cult Fiction:
What an episode to start with! So Shawn got a bad grade on an assignment, which led Mr. Turner to pretty much tell him that he is unloved in front of the entire class, which really sounds like a pretty good teaching tactic. A nearby girl (who apparently is in the class with Shawn even though he doesn't even know her name) takes Shawn that afternoon to meet her friends at The Centre, which turns out to be a cult run by Styles from Teen Wolf. Styles brainwashes Shawn, who turns into a wishy-washy hugging machine, whose behavior changes based on whatever point the writers were trying to make about cults at the time.
So after Cory is alarmed by the fact that Shawn is happy, he and Eric go to The Centre to investigate. I guess they looked it up "crazy teenage cult" on whatever version of Mapquest existed in 1997? This is never explained. But they somehow find this cult, and Shawn gets upset that they're there, which is weird, since he had told Cory he should check it out the day before, but apparently brainwashing is hell on the short-term memory. Styles tries to convert Cory, but it doesn't seem like he was trying very hard, which is certainly understandable. But of course Cory is too boring to even be in a cult, so he is able to resist. For a show called Boy Meets World, he sure does seem reluctant to actually have any sort of real-world experiences!
Later that night, Cory discusses the cult with his parents and Mr. Feeny, who announces that he's been trying to shut the Centre down for some time. Umm, it really shouldn't be that hard, Mr. Feeny! It is a man living with minors in a co-ed environment without written parental consent, and that is probably a thing that the police could shut down pretty easily! Of course, police involvement would possibly lead to them investigating why this man is so closely involved with his young neighbor that he has somehow been his teacher for the past 5 or so years, so maybe it's best that he just try to handle things with his own brand of vigilante justice. But while trying to figure out how to get Shawn out of the new cult and back into theirs, Mr. Feeny's phone starts to ring. In a stunning example of how to be a good mentor, HE STOPS TRYING TO SAVE SHAWN FROM A CULT TO ANSWER HIS PHONE. Classy, just classy! But it's a good thing he did, because Mr. Turner has been in an accident! And I guess he has Feeny listed as his emergency contact? That's really the best-case scenario I can come up with for how he got that information so quickly.
Of course everybody goes to the hospital, but uh oh! Here comes Shawn, and he's brought Styles with him for moral support! There follows a pretty boring scene where the adults all try to get Styles to stop brainwashing Shawn, although they don't seem too concerned with the other children he's stolen from their homes, and Cory gives Shawn a magic hug, which makes him realize how much he cares about Mr. Turner and quit the cult, but is it too late for him to let Mr. Turner know how he feels?! Who knows! The episode ends with no sort of resolution; we don't know if Mr. Turner survives, and Styles never gets his weirdo teenager cult shut down. Sure, they successfully deprogrammed Shawn (not really though, he kind of did it himself when the only other person in the room was comatose), but that's as much closure as we get on this. Presumably, the "responsible adults" just forget about the whole cult and make no effort to save anybody that they are not already friends with. WHAT KIND OF SHOW IS THIS?!
The best, that's what kind.
Quote of the day:
Mr. Turner (to Shawn): "You can count on one hand the people in this world who care about you."
Ouch, Mr. Turner! Way to help a troubled youth with low self esteem!
Cult Fiction:
What an episode to start with! So Shawn got a bad grade on an assignment, which led Mr. Turner to pretty much tell him that he is unloved in front of the entire class, which really sounds like a pretty good teaching tactic. A nearby girl (who apparently is in the class with Shawn even though he doesn't even know her name) takes Shawn that afternoon to meet her friends at The Centre, which turns out to be a cult run by Styles from Teen Wolf. Styles brainwashes Shawn, who turns into a wishy-washy hugging machine, whose behavior changes based on whatever point the writers were trying to make about cults at the time.
So after Cory is alarmed by the fact that Shawn is happy, he and Eric go to The Centre to investigate. I guess they looked it up "crazy teenage cult" on whatever version of Mapquest existed in 1997? This is never explained. But they somehow find this cult, and Shawn gets upset that they're there, which is weird, since he had told Cory he should check it out the day before, but apparently brainwashing is hell on the short-term memory. Styles tries to convert Cory, but it doesn't seem like he was trying very hard, which is certainly understandable. But of course Cory is too boring to even be in a cult, so he is able to resist. For a show called Boy Meets World, he sure does seem reluctant to actually have any sort of real-world experiences!
Later that night, Cory discusses the cult with his parents and Mr. Feeny, who announces that he's been trying to shut the Centre down for some time. Umm, it really shouldn't be that hard, Mr. Feeny! It is a man living with minors in a co-ed environment without written parental consent, and that is probably a thing that the police could shut down pretty easily! Of course, police involvement would possibly lead to them investigating why this man is so closely involved with his young neighbor that he has somehow been his teacher for the past 5 or so years, so maybe it's best that he just try to handle things with his own brand of vigilante justice. But while trying to figure out how to get Shawn out of the new cult and back into theirs, Mr. Feeny's phone starts to ring. In a stunning example of how to be a good mentor, HE STOPS TRYING TO SAVE SHAWN FROM A CULT TO ANSWER HIS PHONE. Classy, just classy! But it's a good thing he did, because Mr. Turner has been in an accident! And I guess he has Feeny listed as his emergency contact? That's really the best-case scenario I can come up with for how he got that information so quickly.
Of course everybody goes to the hospital, but uh oh! Here comes Shawn, and he's brought Styles with him for moral support! There follows a pretty boring scene where the adults all try to get Styles to stop brainwashing Shawn, although they don't seem too concerned with the other children he's stolen from their homes, and Cory gives Shawn a magic hug, which makes him realize how much he cares about Mr. Turner and quit the cult, but is it too late for him to let Mr. Turner know how he feels?! Who knows! The episode ends with no sort of resolution; we don't know if Mr. Turner survives, and Styles never gets his weirdo teenager cult shut down. Sure, they successfully deprogrammed Shawn (not really though, he kind of did it himself when the only other person in the room was comatose), but that's as much closure as we get on this. Presumably, the "responsible adults" just forget about the whole cult and make no effort to save anybody that they are not already friends with. WHAT KIND OF SHOW IS THIS?!
The best, that's what kind.
Quote of the day:
Mr. Turner (to Shawn): "You can count on one hand the people in this world who care about you."
Ouch, Mr. Turner! Way to help a troubled youth with low self esteem!
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